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A moment later.
"By the way..."
In the silence where the crying had subsided, I, having composed myself, spoke first.
"How long are you going to stay like this?"
I was still turned away, embraced by Idris.
Then, a languid voice tickled my ear from behind with its breath.
"Until you stop crying?"
"Ahem, I'm okay now."
Actually, I had been okay for a while.
I had put on all sorts of brave faces, and I was just embarrassed and awkward about crying in his arms, so I stayed still.
"I was worried you were still crying."
Only then did Idris release his arms and step back.
Perhaps because I had been embraced for so long, the place where his warmth had been felt empty and even cold.
As I turned around to speak to him, I roughly guessed my appearance and covered my face slightly, saying,
"I'll wash my face and come down. Go ahead and eat."
"Aren't you curious?"
At the sudden question, I couldn't help but look at him, puzzled.
"Your family affairs have been exposed to me, aren't you curious about my story?"
"..."
"I know your weaknesses, wouldn't you feel unfair if you didn't know mine?"
I wasn't particularly unfair.
As he said, he wasn't the type of person to exploit my weaknesses.
But I was curious about Idris' story.
More than anything...
Since he had embraced my wounds, I wanted to listen to his story and understand him.
'Of course, my swollen face is a bit embarrassing...'
At first, it was a bit embarrassing, but I got used to it because he didn't seem to mind seeing my face.
"The story might be a bit long, shall we sit down and talk?"
Idris, noticing my intention, pointed to the sofa with a nod.
I followed him and sat on the sofa.
"Where should I start..."
Idris, who had been pondering for a moment with his long legs crossed, started the story as if he had found a starting point.
"The late Emperor, my father, had a woman he loved."
I knew who that person was.
The current Emperor's mother.
The late Emperor's romance was once famous among the people.
In a noble society where arranged marriages were rampant, they miraculously had a love marriage, but sadly, their happiness didn't last long.
The first Empress died as soon as she gave birth to the current Emperor.
Idris also told a similar story, then began to bring up a new story.
"And he took a new Empress recommended by the nobles as his partner, but the new Empress was someone who couldn't be satisfied with the position of Empress."
Outwardly, Deon's mother, the second Empress, was known as a benevolent person who embraced Idris, an illegitimate child.
But that was, as expected, a mask considering the image of the imperial family.
"She was constantly trying to kill the young Crown Prince in order to put her son on the throne."
"..."
"The late Emperor, who wanted to protect the son left by his beloved wife, heard news one day."
"..."
"The news of a palace maid he had spent a night with by mistake, and the illegitimate child she had given birth to."
From there, I felt something was strange.
A person who loved his dead wife, a person who wanted to protect the son left by his wife, why would he think of an illegitimate child?
"The late Emperor brought the illegitimate child and cherished him. He made it seem like he cared more for that illegitimate prince than you, the Crown Prince."
"..."
"So that the Empress would recognize the illegitimate prince, not the Crown Prince, as her son's rival."
My eyes shook violently as I heard the unexpected story.
The late Emperor used his youngest son as a shield. To protect the son of the wife he loved.
"And the plan succeeded."
"Did you... know about that plan?"
Idris, who had been thinking for a moment at my question, opened his mouth.
"I didn't know, but I think I vaguely felt it. That the late Emperor didn't cherish me."
"..."
"I just wanted to deny it."
I felt like I knew the rest of the story without hearing it.
Idris, who wanted his father's love and recognition, must have silently rolled around the battlefield to not disappoint him.
At the same time, something I had been curious about all along came to mind.
"Then is it a lie that you tried to harm the late Empress?"
I hadn't asked because I thought he would feel the same way since he hated revealing his weaknesses.
But now, I felt like it would be okay to ask him.
As expected, Idris readily answered.
"No, that's true."
"..."
"To add a little more explanation... the late Empress tried to poison me, who had even survived the war, and I went berserk after taking the poison."
"Then why is the rumor so—"
I stopped myself from asking.
Because I belatedly realized what the following answer would be.
"Because the late Emperor wanted it to be known that way."
"..."
"The Crown Prince grew up safely, and the late Empress, who threatened the Crown Prince, was bedridden, so there was no need for a substitute anymore."
Idris seemed indifferent and even emotionless as if he were talking about someone else's story, but I couldn't be.
I was so heartbroken for him, who had lived alone with a story I didn't know, a story that no one knew the truth about...
I didn't dare to pity him.
Because I know how terrible it feels to be pitied by people.
But...
"Why are you crying again. It hurts my heart."
Idris' fingertips touched my eyes.
As if he was more concerned about my tears than the pain or shame of digging up his wounds.
"Aren't you ashamed to cry in front of me anymore?"
Idris chuckled as he looked at me silently shedding tears.
His expression was so beautiful that I wanted to cry in place of him, who was smiling.
In the end, I burst into tears that I had been holding back.
"...I'm sorry."
I'm sorry for misunderstanding you.
"I'm sorry..."
I'm sorry for daring to pity you.
Idris, who had been looking at me silently for a while, asked.
"Do I have to hug you again?"
My crying stopped abruptly at his playful question.
He was still the same, joking even in this situation.
I could feel his heart trying to stop my tears.
I, who had been crying and laughing, cut him off firmly.
"No, thanks."
"How heartless."
Idris grumbled, but his eyes looking at me were smiling.
"Now that you know my weaknesses, it seems like it was a pretty good deal, right?"
"No. This isn't your weakness. It's your father's weakness."
At my firm reaction, he widened his eyes slightly as if surprised, then burst into laughter.
"Okay, I'll correct it. This isn't my weakness. And your father's weakness isn't your weakness either."
"..."
"So there's no need to be ashamed."
Instead of answering, I smiled and nodded.
Hoping that he would think so too.
"Then shall we go have a meal now?"
Idris, who had gotten up from his seat, skillfully extended his hand.
Just like he always did whenever he escorted me.
I grabbed his hand as if it were a habit and stood up, then looked at the hand I was holding for a moment.
'I'll have to let go of this hand soon.'
I couldn't imagine it. That the warmth of this hand would disappear.
I had a feeling that I would miss this moment already, so I held his hand tightly.
Even if the day comes when I have to let go of the warmth...
So that this moment will be remembered for a long, long time.
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