And I thought.
'Beautiful...'
The most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
And.
'So incredibly black.'
A space as black as a night sky without stars or moon.
But the man's eyes were even darker than that space.
I wondered if the obsidian gemstone I had only heard about looked just like that.
My vision slowly expanded, centering on the man's eyes.
Hair as black as the night sky, eyes as deep and dark as obsidian. Sharp eyes and white skin, a thick Adam's apple and broad shoulders, long and sturdy-looking legs.
Even a master craftsman couldn't sculpt something so beautiful.
As I stared blankly, completely mesmerized, the man smiled and said,
"Were you so surprised by my beauty?"
"Yes."
His tone was playful, but I answered sincerely.
Perhaps my answer was unexpected, as he looked at me with a bewildered expression before letting out a hollow laugh and asking,
"Do you have no emotions?"
"...Pardon?"
What was he talking about now?
"Considering you said you were surprised by my beauty, you don't have any change in expression."
It was only then that I understood what he meant.
"That's..."
It had become a habit to hide my emotions.
Rejoicing and suffering were not permitted for me within Rodbel.
If I rejoiced, someone would inevitably get angry, and if I suffered, someone would conversely be delighted.
So I hid whether I was happy or in pain.
Eventually, it became a habit to hide my emotions.
'Later, they disliked me for being gloomy.'
I realized now that it wasn't my fault.
Whether I hid or expressed my emotions, they would have equally despised and hated me.
If only I had known sooner, I would have expressed them properly.
Hiding my emotions was too burdensome.
"A truly gloomy one has arrived."
At those words, I couldn't help but laugh.
"Why are you laughing?"
"To hear the words I've heard all my life even after death, it's a novel experience."
Unlike the Rodbel family, who had clean white hair and purple eyes, I had jet-black hair and bright red eyes.
Add to that my lack of expression. Everyone disliked me, calling me gloomy.
'Vancis hated me the most.'
Once, determined to make me cry, he locked me in a room with poisonous snakes.
'That was when I was 10, a year after entering Rodbel.'
I begged him to open the door, but Vancis only teased me and didn't open it.
In the end, Vancis failed to make me cry.
Bitten by the snake, I lost consciousness without even having the chance to cry and beg, and woke up after being sick for ten full days.
'The aftereffect was the loss of my sense of taste.'
I think Vancis showed a brief moment of remorse back then.
But it was only for a moment.
Of course, Vancis received no punishment.
He was only warned to refrain from such pranks, as they could be dangerous for Vancis himself.
It was then that I fully understood my situation.
This is what I am in this place.
A being who, even if bitten by a snake that Vancis put in, suffers from a high fever, and loses their sense of taste, is passed over with a warning that "Vancis could be in danger," so he should be careful.
The moment I realized that, I think I made eye contact with Vancis, but what kind of expression did he have?
'I don't know, I don't remember.'
I didn't particularly want to remember it either.
No matter which memory I took out from the bookshelf in my head, it was all painful and agonizing.
And it was even more painful to continue breathing with such memories. So.
"Excuse me, God."
It was difficult to know for sure, so I roughly lumped him together as 'God.'
"Could you please just kill me now?"
I had already finished preparing myself, but the other party didn't even seem to be starting, so I was needlessly impatient.
Then, the man who had been staring at me intently smiled and said,
"If you want to die that much, I can kill you. Yes, I am a merciful God."
"..."
"But you know."
He approached leisurely, as if taking a walk, tilted his head and asked.
"Is that really okay with you?"
"...?"
Is that really okay? What was he suddenly talking about?
Suddenly, a very wicked smile appeared on his lips.
"I mean. The guys who dropped you here will continue to live well and prosper, but are you really okay with just disappearing like this?"
Aren't you really upset? If it were me, I would want to tear them apart and kill them right away.
'...Was he not a god, but a demon?'
His gentle, whispering voice sounded like a demon who was determined to seduce me.
I quietly pondered the man's words.
Rodbel, who had become perfect with my sacrifice.
Rodbel, who was happy that I was gone.
A family finally completed...
Squeeze.
Without realizing it, I clenched my hand.
I laboriously parted my lips.
It's okay...
"...It's not."
No matter how much I kill and hide my emotions, they inevitably revive.
I am resentful, bitter, and...
"I want them to be unhappy."
I hung my head low.
If you ask if I felt relieved at the truth that I had finally spoken out.
'No.'
It was even more suffocating because it was a wish that could never be fulfilled.
No matter how much I resented and cursed them, my feelings were just meaningless struggles because they would be walking the path of glory for the next hundred years.
There's nothing I can do...
"Then let's just do that."
"..."
"Let's just make them unhappy. Isn't it enough to tear apart their relationships and destroy what they have?"
An alluring whisper stirs up even my soul.
"Then those who pushed you into this place will grovel at your feet, bowing their heads and shedding tears of blood."
It was a fairytale-like story that made no sense.
But I couldn't refute a single word the man said.
Because the words that flowed from his mouth were all my desires.
Because that was what I had been wishing for for the 11 years I had lived in the Rodbel family.
So, even though I knew it was impossible, I was already wavering.
"...Is that possible?"
And the answer that came back was.
"Of course."
"..."
"Because I'll help you."
"You..."
A ripple stirred in my heart, which had been trying to accept death.
But it was hard to understand.
Why was this man telling me this story?
I should be nothing to him.
Then, as if he had read my thoughts, he smiled and said,
"You are precious to me."
"...What do you want from me?"
"Haha, you don't just fall for it."
"Demons don't grant wishes without a price."
"You've already decided that I'm a demon. Well, it's similar."
The man, who nodded, changed his expression in an instant.
His gaze, which had been full of playfulness, turned cold as if frozen.
He speaks in a lower voice.
"As you said, in exchange for me helping you, you will also have to help me get out of this place. Let's say this is a deal and a contract."
"A contract..."
"Yes. I'm getting tired of this place too."
I had expected it, but it was a huge condition after all.
I had called him a demon or a god of death, but now I was finally certain.
The being in front of me was indeed an evil god sealed in the abyss.
That evil god extends his hand to me.
Help me get revenge, and in return, help him resurrect.
I suddenly imagined what would happen if the evil god was released into the world.
The evil gods in history books and the Bible will...
"It doesn't matter. No matter what happens to this world. You're not suddenly having a surge of justice, are you?"
I shook my head.
Justice?
It's hard enough to save my own life, so there's no way I could have something like that.
In fact, when I first learned about the existence of the evil god when I was a child, I even hoped that he would be released and destroy the world.
Then everyone can disappear from this world equally.
The man's offer is sweet.
But the most important thing was missing.
"...But I don't have that kind of ability."
Even if I succeed in my revenge, I don't have the ability to break his seal.
"What?"
He looked at me with a dumbfounded expression.
I shrank my shoulders for no reason.
He must have made this offer because he thought I was 'Rodbel.'
But it seems that even the omnipotent him didn't know that I was a half-baked, incompetent Rodbel.
I expected him to call off the contract or anything else now.
Or rather, wouldn't he try to tear me apart for almost making a fraudulent contract...?
But the words that came back far exceeded my expectations.
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